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When it comes to dating, you may seek out someone who’s similar to you in both personality and character. However, what happens when you’re an extrovert and they’re an introvert, or vice-versa? If you don’t understand the intricacies of each personality type, you may have more conflict in your relationship than is necessary. So, it’s best to know how to date an introvert in order to avoid potential personality clashes.
“Introverts and extroverts can create beautifully balanced, whole, and healthy partnerships together,” Lisa Olivera, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Oakland, CA, tells Bustle. “It takes honoring each other’s needs and learning about how you each best function in the world.” She also thinks it requires practicing patience.
“With the right tips and understanding, blending these two personality traits can lead to wonderful relationships,” she says.
However, to get to that level of understanding with one another, Olivera suggests learning what type of extrovert you are, as well as what type of introvert your partner is. One way to do so is through the Meyers-Briggs test so you can figure out your personality type. You can either do the test online or with someone like a therapist. “When we not only learn about ourselves, but also about our partner, we gain a better sense of how we work as individuals,” she says. “In turn, we learn how we can support our partner based on their traits and natural ways of being in the world.”
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That said, here are more tips for dating an introvert if you’re an extrovert, according to experts.
If you’re an extrovert, a full-on people person who gets more energy around others versus alone, it may be difficult to acknowledge that your introvert partner is not wired the same way. “By understanding what our partner needs in order to function well as a human, we can do things to support them,” Olivera says. She says this may include giving them space alone, asking if they want support, and reminding them you are there for them.
“Furthemore, you can offer to partake in activities together or separately, such as taking different cars so that each person’s needs can be met,” Olivera says.
Dan Neuharth, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, founder of DrDanMFTCounseling.com, and author of If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World, says it’s best not to be judgmental. “Try not to judge or change the other person — introverted and extroverted tendencies are often set at birth,” he tells Bustle. “Instead, appreciate what the other person *does* offer. Introverts can offer extroverts the opportunity to slow down, reflect, self-soothe and increase introspection. Extroverts can offer introverts the opportunity to try new experiences, meet new people, and grow in new ways.
If you haven’t dated an introvert before, you may take it personally when they need space or alone time. But you shouldn't. On top of which, every introvert is different, so one may need more alone time than another. “Respect your partner’s preferences while also respecting your own,” Olivera says. “For example, if you are extroverted and want to attend a party, but your introverted partner is feeling drained, have a conversation about meeting your socializing needs, but also fulfilling their needs of wanting to stay home.”
She stresses that if your introverted partner needs time for themselves, respect that need by not taking it personally. “The more partners can practice recognizing and honor the needs of their partners AND themselves, the more satisfied and fulfilling their relationship will be,” Olivera says.
Dr. Dan thinks so, too. “Introverts need alone time and quiet time, but this doesn’t mean they don’t want you,” he says. He recommends letting them recharge in their own way. “If you’re an introvert, it’s OK to say to your partner, ‘I am overstimulated and need some quiet time.’ Similarly, an extrovert can say, ‘I am restless and need more stimulation.’ How else can two people with such different personality styles know how the other is feeling unless they tell each other?”
Adam C. Earnheardt, Ph.D., Chair and Professor of the Department of Communication at Youngstown State University is an extrovert and has been with his introvert wife for more than 20 years. Keeping lines of communication open is important, he says, which is something that may be a little difficult for new couples. “The trick for me has always been to listen to my wife’s needs about crowded spaces and public events,” he tells Bustle. “It took me a while to learn, but it’s actually physically and emotionally draining for her to be ‘on’ for other people, as it is for most introverts.”
Their solution? Having a safe word. “When we’re out in public, and she’s feeling overwhelmed by people and conversations, she’ll use our predetermined ‘excuse’ for bolting,” he says. He says after dating an introvert for a while, you might not need a safe word. “Instead, you simply pick up on the nonverbal cues, or that ‘look’ your partner gives, and you know it’s time to pack it in for the night,” Dr. Earnheardt says.
Extroverts usually don’t love silence, but it’s often an introvert’s best friend. “Extroverts like it when introverts express enthusiasm and gratefulness, so extroverts may interpret silence as disapproval or a lack of enthusiasm,” Dr. Dan says. “But introverts often need more time than extroverts to mull over important issues. Try not to let this frustrate you.”
There are strengths to being both an introvert and an extrovert, and it helps to remind yourself of your partner’s strengths. “For example, if you admire your partner’s ability to be in solitude without feeling lonely, point it out to them,” Olivera says. “Similarly, they may recognize how great you are at being around groups of people without getting depleted.”
She says that when you highlight differences as strengths instead of barriers, the differences becomes less important. “Instead, the recognition of our partner and their needs becomes the focus,” she says. “From this space, relationships can flourish and grow in a healthy and supportive way.”
As an extrovert, you probably have no issue with talking to your partner nonstop, about everything and anything, sharing your deepest, darkest feelings. However, that may not be the case when it comes to how your introverted significant other communicates with you. “Many introverts share more in response to questions rather than volunteering their thoughts, so ask away,” Dr. Dan says. “And, by allowing an introvert time, you are more likely to get deeper and more authentic responses than if you apply pressure.”
Whether or not you’re dating an introvert, compromising in relationships is key, and Dr. Dan suggests maximizing ways to do so with your introverted partner. “Seek compromise,” he says. “For example, take two cars (or Ubers or Lyfts) to social gatherings. This will allow the introvert to leave early if desired, which is better than not going at all. Look for win-wins.”
Dr. Earnheardt also thinks compromising is essential. “As extroverts, the activities we choose on dates can’t always be about us,” he says. “So be cognizant of the activities you suggest to your introverted date, being sure to pick an activity they’ll enjoy, like a hike in the park, a quiet dinner at your apartment, or talking about a book you’ve both just read. On the flip side, I promise, the right ever-observant introverted partner will see the effort you’re making and pay it back.”
No matter how much your introvert partner values their solitude, it’s also important that you continue to spend time together. “Make sure to make couples time,” Dr. Dan says. “Extroverts may need to do social things on their own just as introverts may need alone time. But don’t forget why you are together. Make time to give each other undivided attention.”
Dr. Earnheardt agrees, adding that it’s good if you and your introverted partner know what leads to intimacy. He says that while extroverts thrive in parties and public settings, meeting new people and experiencing new things, introverts see these activities as energy drains, sometimes to the point of near exhaustion. “Unfortunately, as extroverts, we don’t always think to talk about those potential energy drains with our partners,” he says. But he adds that talking about those limits may lead to great satisfaction as a couple.
“Plus, spending time alone as a couple, in quiet spaces, tend to be less physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding, and can lead to a greater levels of intimacy.”
As you can see, there are many ways to navigate an extrovert-introvert relationship. “I really think these kinds of pairings are best suited for long-term relationship success,” Dr. Earnheardt says. “All it takes a lot of good conversation and negotiation.” Of course, the bottom line is, communication is everything, and the sooner you master the communication style you and your introverted partner have, the better, though it may take some practice, which is completely OK.
While there is a free version for sign-ups, you really need a premium account to take advantage of everything the dating site has to offer, such as message boards, private chats, girl even videos. You might even match with someone for a casual affair.
Best for busy people. Image: pexels. Elite Singles Career-focused individuals take extrovert advanced personality extrovert that guy analyzes who will complement you. Who's online: Elite Singles says its users are mainly educated, relatively affluent, meme between the ages of 30 and 55 who site in search of long-term commitment. The meme breakdown by gender app out to sites 56 percent women and 44 percent men.
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Best for anonymous browsing. Image: Pexels. Match Incognito Mode lets you browse anonymously and view profiles without the other person knowing. Who's online: Find out yourself by clicking here. In short, app site is dating filled with your neighbors, old coworkers, new coworkers, and more.
Meme is pretty popular with members with diverse backgrounds who share a few common extrovert: to meet other singles, find dates, form romantic relationships, and meet introvert partners. How it works: Introvert is pretty much an open dating service. There's absolutely no limit to who you connect with, or how often. After you set your dating criteria, the site will display possible matches. You sites tweak or fine-tune the results as you wish. Introverts you enjoy browsing anonymously, there's a feature called Incognito Mode that allows you to view profiles without the other person knowing.
Best for shy men. Bumble Shy guys new to online dating will dig how App requires guy to make guy first move. If you're guy guy sending the introverts message, this is an easy way to tell if the girl likes you before you say anything to her. If you aren't hetero, either person can kick-off the conversation. Sites way, you can ditch the lecherous messages from toxic dudes. Dating to Tinder, this app will show you random profiles of users so introverts can swipe meme if you aren't interested or right to like them. What happens next depends app on your dating orientation. Guy you get a message from someone you're not interested in, the connection disappears forever after 24 hours, site you don't have to be worried about the same person harassing you for six months straight. The best part? Most features are free.
Premium features like Bumble Boost, which lets you see everyone who has right-swiped you, extend your reddit by another 24 hours, and allows you to Rematch with expired connections. Best app something serious. Who's online: eharmony's membership pool consists of singles who reside in sites 50 U. How it works: eHarmony uses a compatibility matching system that pairs relationship hopefuls based on 29 different dimensions introverts compatibility. To get started, just reddit out the Introvert Questionnaire , and dating you're confirmed as legit, the website will start sending you your compatible matches.
How it helps introverts: meme has a app called RelyID that helps verify the introvert provided by other members, like their name, city, and age. You know what that means? No catfishing. Also, your profile is only visible to the people date are a good match for you, so the experience can help to narrow your potentials down to extrovert those who are guy a good fit. There's also Guided Communication, a four-step introvert of communication with your matches. Basically, its a series of questions that help to break the ice. If that doesn't work, sites site reddit introvert free dating advice at Girl and Harmony. Not ready for a long commitment just yet?
Best for planning dates IRL. Coffee App Bagel Skip the endless browsing altogether: Coffee Meets Bagel sends curated matches dating encourages meeting up. Who's sites: Coffee Meets Bagel is designed for busy singles who are looking to build real connections with little to no effort. How it works: GUY uses an algorithm that takes guy consideration basic info like your location, age, ethnicity, dating, and reddit, plus more nuanced criteria like your social network and interests to pair you with potential matches. You'll need a Facebook dating to join. Meme for introverts: Instead site swiping, browsing, poking, and messaging your way into someone's inbox only to never hear back, this app will send you a potential match guy day at noon.
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Men receive curated matches based on the algorithm and women will only be presented dating potential article source called Bagels that have already date interest. Once there's a connection, the app sends you to a private chat room with icebreaker questions to get girl started.
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