Myself, as a man in his mid-40s, have engaged in several matches on Dating. Some I met while out, some I met in bars. As a woman, you would be entirely justified in worrying about the plethora of messages I'm having. When you meet someone on a dating app, you spend more time thinking about the dating app than you do thinking about the. Dating Profile Example # 3: Movie quote. Referencing movies or tv shows is a really great way to engage on a dating app. Even though you’re strangers, you’re already connected through this shared social consciousness, so swipers will automatically feel positively towards you. One: Maximize your space. Some dating sites allow you to fill in pages of information about yourself. Others, like Tinder, only have enough room for a few sentences. Murray says you should fill.
You may think you’re a pro when it comes to online dating and your dating apps, but I think there’s always more to be learned. For instance, there’s a lot of factors, right? Think about it — aside from choosing profile pictures that best represent you, there’s what to say in your online dating profile. While pictures are important — and maybe some people (okay, a lot) seem to swipe right based on pictures alone — words are, too. Some think “a picture’s worth a thousand words,” but they do not always tell the whole story.
“It can be so easy to just look at pictures on your dating app and swipe right,” Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, tells Bustle. “You’re in a flow, and they’re so attractive. What could possibly go wrong? But you’ll actually save yourself time, frustration, and potentially disastrous messaging/dating later if you’ve taken the time to read their profile from the get-go. Otherwise, you risk missing critical information like, ‘In an open relationship. Wanna join us for some fun?’ or ‘Just out of prison. Let’s do this!’ There are a lot of very attractive, but undateable, people out there.”
Yes, there are people who don’t write anything in the “bio” section. But several dating experts I spoke to recommend filling in the blanks. I used to write people’s dating profiles, and I’m telling you — having one makes a huge difference, i.e., more well-suited matches. Below, you’ll find what you should write in your online dating profile, according to the pros.
1. List Your End-Goal For “Why” You’re Dating
“The partner who knows what they want is the partner who’ll get what they want. Far too often, we enter dating without stating our true desires. We wrongly assume that will reap greater results. Yes, it will open your profile to more interest — but not to the type of person you want to date. Without your end-goal clearly stated, your prospective partners will have a greater opportunity to push their agenda. Don’t be afraid to say what you want upfront. Our ‘why’s — i.e., ‘I want to date and have fun,’ ‘I’m looking for a committed relationship,’ or ‘Looking to marry and start a family’ — need to be in sync with those we date. It saves time, energy, and a battle of wills.” — Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of Allowing Magnificence
2. Include Info That Will Start Conversations
“A lot of individuals need to have fodder to make conversation. It’s very difficult for people sometimes to put themselves forward and try to make that first move. Tinder’s double opt-in makes the process of understanding whether another person is interested in you incredibly transparent and efficient. Making the first move and initiating a conversation still may not be easy for some people because they may not be naturally confident engaging in conversations with new people. For some, thin information may feed the lack of confidence because they don’t know how or where to begin a conversation. By providing a bio, you are including information that matches can easily draw upon to get a conversation going.” — Tinder Sociologist Dr. Jess Carbino
3. Show, Don’t Tell
“Paint snapshots of your life rather than listing adjectives and your likes. Who are you and what is the essence of your life and hobbies that you want to convey? Plenty of people claim to be an adventurous lover of life who loves to travel. Give them a visual of how this is true: ‘Packed a bag and met my friend in Japan with 24 hours’ notice!’” — Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
4. Include Your “Must Have”s
“Don’t be afraid of openly stating who and what you are. It will all be revealed in time, anyway. Might as well start from the best position possible. Give your prospective dates a true idea of how you live your life. Include information about the kind of hobbies, interests, and values that define your personality. Being your partner means being in agreement with your day-to-day lifestyle. Stating important truths up front will aid your ability to match with the type of ‘resonant others’ you’d like to date.
If you’re a dedicated athlete, that means you live a healthy lifestyle. You won’t want to waste time with someone who loves clubbing till 4 a.m. when you’re getting up to run each morning at 5 a.m. If you’re newly sober, include the fact that living a clean lifestyle is important to you, and that you neither drink nor take drugs. If you follow a specific religion or spiritual path that defines your daily lifestyle, that’s also important information to share. This can also include your sexual preferences for expression. If you know your sexual lifestyle dictates a specific type of partner, don’t be subtle. State your needs clearly to avoid future conflict.” — Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of Allowing Magnificence
5. Be Upfront About Your Relationship Status & What You Want
“If you’re interested in hookups, don’t contact people who don’t have that included in their profiles. The likelihood of you not getting a response is about 95 percent.” — Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and author of the relationship blog, You’re Just A Dumbass
“Your online dating profile is a great opportunity to do some of the work that dating in person would normally do if you didn’t meet online. In other words, you can use your online profile to filter for what you do and don’t want. For instance, if you’re looking for someone who’s not separated, but truly divorced, say so. Lots of people think they’re single because they’re living alone, but the reality is they’re separated and have been for years with no divorce paperwork in the process. Ask now! Save yourself some time, energy and money.” — April Masini, aka “Ask April,” New York–based relationship expertand author
“My friend began a serious relationship with a man who stated he wanted a ‘calm’ woman. She tried in earnest to amend herself for him, but what he really wanted was a seriously committed submissive. She broke off the engagement and he was stuck with having bought a home for them.” — Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of Allowing Magnificence
6. Be Honest
'Whatever your current life circumstances are, just be honest about it. Ultimately, the person you want to be with will be supportive.” — Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and author of the relationship blog, You’re Just A Dumbass
“Eventually you’re going to meet and date this person, so don’t lie about yourself, your hobbies, or skills. No one wants to plan a date for a ‘surf lover,’ only to discover that person can’t swim.” — Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
7. Be Positive
“Keep your wording positive, confident, and succinct. At best, you get about 10 seconds to wow your perspective sweetheart. If you fill that space with negative language, what you’re not looking for in a partner, arrogance, or long, run-on sentences, you’ll be dateless.” — Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
8. Show Your Sense Of Humor
“I encourage a sense of humor, something that makes your reader smile and think, not just wonder if there is attraction or not. Remember, a good match doesn’t make us feel great — we feel great because we feel great around them. If I’m smiling to myself because of what they say or write, imagine how great I’ll feel in their presence!” — Jeffrey Sumber, MA, MTS, LCPC, psychotherapist and bestselling author of Renew Your Wows!
9. Avoid Clichés
“Clichés are overused in life, but even more so in dating profiles. What makes you different and interesting? Play that up, keeping it fresh and unique to stand out from the easy-going, glass-half-full crowd looking for their ‘partner-in-crime.’” — Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life
After all, the more you know about someone, the more you’ll have to go on when trying to see if the person would be a good fit for you.
Images: Fotolia, Giphy
One of the hardest parts of the online dating process is making the first move.
It also happens to be one of the most important steps. How you introduce yourself will set the tone for the rest of your interactions. You see? You cannot afford to screw this up!
So,
What should you do or not do? Do you just say hey? Do you go all out with a romantic declaration of interest?
It is understandably daunting, but fortunately, it isn’t rocket science!
We’ve put together a few online dating introduction tips and tricks to help you get noticed.
How to Introduce Yourself Online (with Examples)
Start by actually introducing yourself (say your name!)
Just as you want to start by introducing yourself early in a conversation in real life, so you want to do when introducing yourself on a dating site as well.
Even though they can already see what your name is on your profile, say it anyway! It’s courteous to say a simple “I’m Jack.”
Try an unusual greeting
“Hey, what’s up” or “how’s it going?” are, in a word, boring. Almost every other person your match is talking to will use these greetings.
Endless option has uncovered the greatest Tnder opening message, after 2 years of tests. It is worth checking out.
If you want to stand out, you should make even a small effort to be more original in your greeting. For example, you could ask, “how’s your energy?” or “what’s something exciting that happened to you this week?” to spark curiosity.
Use their name
You should acknowledge the name of your match in your introduction as well. After all, everyone loves to hear their name!
In real life, when you’re greeting someone you know, use their name (i.e., “Hey Stephanie, what’s up?”) and notice how they perk up.
When you match with someone on a dating app, incorporate their name in your intro (i.e., “Hi Julia, I’m Jack”) and notice how they will likely become more eager in their conversation.
Tell them it’s nice to meet them
Telling someone it’s nice to meet them is one of the simplest intro lines for online dating you can use.
Online Dating Apps
When you tell someone it’s nice to meet them, it’s essentially their obligation to reply. Continuing our previous example, you can say, “Hi Julia, I’m Jack. Nice to meet you.” This will increase the chances that your match responds.
Start the conversation with an open-ended question
Perhaps the easiest way to get an interesting response from someone (other than a simple “good” or “not bad”) is to ask them an open-ended question.
The question should be interesting, compelling, fun, and romantically themed. Think, “Julia, what’s the most fun experience you’ve ever had with a guy?” or “Julia, what’s something you’ve always wanted to do with a guy but haven’t yet?”
Focus on things you have in common
One way to form a good connection with someone when you meet them is to talk about something that the two of you share in common. If you’re into hiking and see that your match has posted a photo of them in boots on a mountain, you can ask them about their hiking trip and then talk about a hike that you went on recently as well.
Pick something specific from their profile
About Myself For Dating App Example
Find something unique on your match’s profile picture and ask them about it. It shows them that you actually took the time to check them out and are not just using a generic response.
Don’t talk about yourself too much
It’s okay to talk about yourself, especially in response to your match’s questions, but try to keep the conversation more on them or balanced between the two of you. If they ask something about you, answer them and then direct the question back to them with a simple “what about you?”.
Be modest (if you’re a guy)
For guys especially, it’s very easy to be perceived by girls as creepy on dating apps. For this reason, be a bit modest in your responses.
For example, asking “what’s the most fun experience you’ve ever had with a guy?” is fine, but asking “what’s your favorite body part on a guy?” may be going a little bit too far (save a question like that for when you’ve met and are more comfortable with each other).
8 Dos and Don’ts in Dating Site Introductions
Be confident…
When it comes to drafting the first letter or first address to someone you are interested in online, the most important thing is confidence.
Confidence is not a personality trait – it’s something that you can learn. So, you don’t have to be a loud and bubbly life-of-the-party person to appear confident.
A little confidence goes a long way when it comes to breaking the ice with an online love interest. All you need is to have the guts to make the first move, no matter whether you are a man or a woman.
Taking charge shows your potential match that you know what you want and are not afraid to go for it.
… but not too confident
When it comes to introducing yourself, there actually IS such a thing as too much confidence. There’s a fine line between being the initiator in the interaction and being cocky.
Avoid things like being aggressive, bragging too much, and showing pride. These are a major turn off and will have you unmatched faster than you can say ‘me.’
Do not use cliché opening lines
Cheesy and cliché pick-up lines don’t work in offline dating, so they definitely don’t work in online dating either. So, by all means, please try to avoid them. They will make you seem unoriginal, which is a major turn off for many people.
Avoid physical compliments
People love receiving a compliment that they’re good looking. Everyone wants to hear the words “you’re really beautiful” or “you’re gorgeous” or “you’re handsome.”
The problem with online dating is that you have not seen that person in real life yet, so any physical compliments you make could come across as a little creepy (especially for guys directed at girls). As an alternative to physical compliments, use more general compliments instead.
Don’t be afraid to be quirky and funny
If you are naturally goofy and weird, then, by all means, let this side shine in your initial interaction.
Nothing breaks the ice better than a funny joke!
You could make it as simple as ‘Hey, my name is So-and-So. Would you like to hear a joke?’ and then proceed to prove your comical genius. This simple move could be what lands you the girl or the man of your dreams.
However, if you are not even remotely funny, then you should probably not try this.
Do not be rude, presumptuous, or in any way a jerk
If you want your first interaction to be successful, then you need to avoid being rude or in any way unpleasant. Don’t criticize their profiles or photos as this is the fastest way to get someone to lose interest in you.
If you are using the website for casual hookups, it is important to be upfront about it as early as possible. However, this doesn’t mean that you straight up offer the hookup before even saying hi. Take time to know the other person and figure out whether or not they want the same thing before suggesting it.
Keep it short
The last thing you want to happen is to write a big long message that you are proud of, only to not get a reply. You want to make things as easy as possible for the other person, so they are more likely to respond, and this means making shorter comments.
Introduce yourself, make a comment on their profile, and potentially ask a question. That’s all you need to get started., especially if you are an international dating site.
Don’t front; just be yourself
Finally, it is important to stay true to yourself in the first introduction. Whatever you do, do not pretend to be funny or serious when you’re really not.
Just do what feels right naturally. If you want to start with a simple ‘hi,’ then go for it. If you want to go all out with a cute poem, then go for it.
Just make sure you back it up with a touch of confidence and charm, and it will work for the right person.
Conclusion
It can be nerve-wracking figuring out how to introduce yourself on a vegan dating site to this complete stranger who has caught your attention. However, with the Dos/Don’ts list and examples provided above, you should know exactly how to break the ice.
The most important thing is to be yourself. If your online love interest is someone you might end up building a relationship with, the last thing you want is to have them fall for someone you are not.